Ultimate Guide to Wedding Speeches and Toasts

May 28

Photo courtesy of Lighter Focus Photography

Hey hey party people! Let’s talk about toasts and speeches.

Speeches and toasts are one of the most fun, profound, and heartfelt portions of any party, and of course, I’m speaking specifically about weddings. At the same time, speeches and toasts can be one of the most cringe-worthy, painfully awkward, and time-sucking portions. Don’t lie - you know exactly what I’m talking about. Now don’t hear what I’m not saying: a speech or toast is not a way to win an award or any sort of accolade. However, it is a rare opportunity for someone to share what their relationship to someone means, what they love about the newly married couple, why they’re excited to celebrate their marriage, and give a blessing to the couple’s “next chapter” in life. The next time a speech like this might be made is during a eulogy, which is a completely different event.

Now, before I go too much further into this topic, I want to share with you that I actually would classify toasts and speeches as two different things. A wedding speech is a story, a personal reflection, or even an anecdote. A wedding toast is the actual blessing where guests are asked to raise their glasses in celebration of the honored couple.

Wedding speech and toast traditions

You guys know that I’m very much about redefining traditions so they align with your values, and my thoughts on speeches and toasts are no different. However, I do know that it is helpful to have a starting point when it comes to thinking about this topic. Please note that what I’m about to share is based off of a traditional heterosexual wedding.

Tradition #1

Tradition will tell us that there are typically two ways that speeches are done. The first order would have the Best Man toasting the couple. Then the Groom would make a toast to the Bride and to both sets of parents. Then the Bride would follow by making a toast to the Groom and to the families. The father of the bride, who again, traditionally was the host of the wedding, would toast the guests, thanking them for attending the party.

Tradition #2

The alternative tradition is when the Best Man and the Maid of Honor give toasts to the Bride and Groom. Then the Groom would toast the Bride and the Bride to the Groom. Honestly, in the 21st Century, I’ve seen everything. Today, Groom’s have Best Women and the Bride’s Party is inclusive of men. Not all couples look the same nor do they all like to speak in front of an audience. I think that there’s no better time than now to redefine tradition. Allow yourself to put together a wedding that is reflective of who you are and who is important to you.

When Should a speech or toast be made?

So when are toasts and speeches given? You can do toasts at a reception, which is very common. Maybe you have people in your group that are more shy, so you could opt to give toasts at a rehearsal dinner. Something fun could be a toast at the cocktail hour while people are up, mingling, and getting into the party mood. I almost see this as a kick off to dinner and to the dance or whatever you do. You don’t have to dance. But how cool would that be to have everyone hanging out and someone gives a toast during this laid-back, party. That’s just me, but it just popped into my head.

What about the newlyweds?

Now, something I haven’t mentioned yet is my thoughts on the couple giving a toast to their guests. Honestly, I really love when the couple says a few words to address the room. As you know, a standard doesn’t exist for how many guests you have at a wedding. As I write this during COVID-19, I believe that we are going to see an increase in smaller weddings. It will become easier for couples to interact with all of their guests, to say “hello” or even “thank you.” If you are having a larger wedding, it will be more difficult for the couple to interact with every guest. That’s just a fact - there isn’t enough time in a day. If you have a fairly large guest list, I recommend that the couple give a speech and/or toast to their guests because it might be the only time to address the crowd, thanking everyone for coming to the celebration. It is a way to express what their presence and support means to you as a couple. I recommend this if you’re not doing a receiving line, and that tradition is disappearing more and more. So this would really be the only time to say anything. You might not even have time to go table to table to say hello to your guests.

Ultimate Tips to Giving Wedding Speeches & Toasts

Now, if you’re someone giving a speech in the next few weeks (or months!), I wanted to give you some tips for writing a killer, or someone said to me recently “flame,” speech. I think I’m too old to say that haha. These tips might feel very “duh” to you, but maybe not. So let’s dive on in.

Keep it short, sweet, and to the point

If you think about it, if you have 4 people giving speeches and they take 5 minutes a piece, that’s 20 minutes give or take. 20 minutes in an event is a lot of time. Now, if you had people that wanted to give long speeches, you could sprinkle them throughout dinner, especially if you’re having a plated meal or a dinner service where you have different courses. Or maybe you have a toast during cocktail hour, then something at the beginning of dinner, then towards the end of dinner. This is a way to ensure your guests are always doing something and there isn’t a hard stop to everything. Long speeches can drag on and on, and you can really lose your audience. That’s not what you want. Granted you are giving a speech for the couple not for the audience; however, it is something to consider. I’m sure you’ve been to plenty of parties or weddings where someone’s speech made you antsy.

Make it fun, tell a story or an anecdote

A wedding is a celebration, it is a party. You are celebrating the marriage of two people you love and that love each other fully. Let’s talk about the good times or something sentimental. Maybe it is something that only you two know about each other, and you’re inviting everyone in to get a glimpse of what your relationship means. Keep it fun; you can totally share some jokes. Tell a story! I think everyone loves a story, and that’s part of human nature. We can relate to a story or even picture ourselves when things are told in a story format. It also draws a clear line from point to point.

Oh, also please also avoid locker room talk. It makes people uncomfortable. It typically isn’t funny. You don’t know your audience.

Don’t make it a big production

You don't need a power point. You don’t need the bells and whistles. I find that the best speeches are short, sweet, and heartfelt. When people speak from the heart, it is powerful. I will say that I recently watched a video on YouTube where a groom gave a speech, rather wrote/sang a speech, at his wedding, and it was 14 minutes long. It was super sweet, and it was captivating. It was a huge production though. Side bar note - if you are going to do a song or something, it was be super awesome to get a videographer to capture this sweet moment.

Be Chill & Be You

This isn’t a competition. It isn’t about winning an award. It is truly being yourself and letting love pour out of your heart. No one is grading you, and if you are someone that does get nervous..definitely keep it short and sweet. That’s okay. Don’t try to use vernacular language you don’t normally use. Don’t try to sound like someone you’re not. Be the most real authentic you you can be. That’s why your friend or your sister loves you in the first place. You’re not trying to win people over, but you are trying to express love, joy, and fun.

Don’t Bring Up Exes

Don’t talk about former partners or boyfriends or girlfriends. Keep that somewhere else. It can be really awkward or honestly, unwanted. We’re not worried about the past. We are concerned with the here and now.

Hey, I’m Terra!

Born and raised in Missouri, I’m a grateful wife and dog mom to my rescue pups, Hildi & Lola. I’m a true believer in the pursuit of bold dreams, learning from mistakes, and staying curious.

I'm a girl that lives in her Chacos during the summer, and I'm typically always wearing lipstick. Yes, red is my preference! When I'm not helping engaged couples plan weddings, you'll find me on stage teaching Jazzercise classes. Needless to say, creating engaging experiences that leave people feeling good afterwards is my passion. Seriously!

I’ve created this blog and my wedding packages to empower you to plan an awesome wedding day and put all of the stress and obligations straight into the dumpster! Now that sounds like a party.

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